Ready...set....

The last few months have been crazy, to say the least. My mom and my step-dad divorced in May, he is my step-dad but I call him dad because he has been amazing to my sister and I. My youngest brother graduated in June, then left for a year in Sweden as an exchange student. My oldest brother moved to San Diego. Way to many changes for me! In early September my grandpa passed away, and then just 3 weeks later my biological father passed away.

My dad Steve, had been battling alcoholism for as long as I can remember. I knew from a very young age that he would probably die from it. So I thought that I would be prepared. That was far from the truth.

Having to go to Grass Valley with the intent to say goodbye to my father was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It would be one thing if he was in a normal state of mind and we could hang out and talk. This was a hospice situation. He was bed-ridden to a hospital bed at my grandmas house. He was on oxygen and it was very hard to see. The first day I saw him, he could talk but it was hard for him to catch his breath.  The whole process went very fast. He came home from the hospital on a Sunday, and passed away very early Thursday morning. I left Wednesday morning, knowing that it was the last time I would see him. I told him that I was leaving, and that I loved him very much. My dad was never a very lovey-dovey person, and neither am I. He was able to reach up and hold my hand, he wasn't able to speak but that gesture spoke a thousand words.

I miss him very much. I would call him and talk to him about his crazy grandsons and he would just laugh. He always was the first person to call me on my birthday because he wanted to be the first one to say "Happy Birthday!" and of course as the years went by he added "you ol' hag!" It is just the weirdest feeling, that he is just not there anymore, just gone.

When you lose a parent, I think it has a way of bringing you closer to your siblings. My sister and I have always been very close, and I think this is just something that will bring us closer.

So needless to say my life is still crazy, and I assure you that its about to get even crazier :)