Mothers Day 2011

Mothers Day..A day that at one time, I thought that I would never be able to partake in.

Today in church, my lovely mama Jaime called me out. I was asked to pray over the women that wanted to be mommies, but haven't been able to yet. For those of you who know me, know that this would be WAY out of my box..like miles from my box. But I went with it. I was super nervous and just let the Holy Spirit tell me what to pray.

After church, when my friends were telling me I did a good job. I couldn't help but feel like they were all just being nice! I know that's not right, I just felt that there was so much more I could of said and in a better way.

Mothers Day is a very hard day for me but also a very joyous day. When I was having trouble conceiving it was a day I dreaded. A day that I would watch every other woman out there celebrate while I mourned the fact that I had no baby to hold. Then after I lost Landon, mothers day came a month later. Probably one of the worst days of my life. I remember the hurt I felt in my heart, its a hurt that is like no other. Some of you might say that I shouldn't think of the hurt but of the joy that my kids bring me now. I think its important to remember how you felt in a time of pain, to realize how much God has done to take that pain away. Because He is the only reason I do not feel that pain anymore. I hope that makes sense.

A few years before I was born, my parents had a baby boy named Travis. Travis was still born. Obviously my parents were devastated. And I think it was the reason behind the way they live there lives now. My father is an alcoholic and my mom has been dealing with substance abuse. They have been this way for as long as I can remember. They had no relationship with God, they  had no church family to lead them. They did not know the love of the Father and all of its healing ability. They were dragged into this life of guilt, mourning and sadness that seeped into there every being. It was always there like the elephant in the room. When something bad happens, you have a choice. You happen to life, life doesn't happen to you.

Yes, I mourned the death of Landon, but I didn't let the mourning take over. Was that hard? Absolutely!! I couldn't have done it alone. I had plenty of breakdowns. Its a hard situation to explain unless you have been there, which I pray that no one ever has to be there.

Ultimately you are in charge of your destiny. God has plans for you but you need to read the blue prints. Someone told me one time, its hard to see where your boat is going if you are always bailing out water. When bad things happen its how you react in that moment that will affect the impact it has on your life. So when mothers day comes, I choose to celebrate life and count my blessings :)